crzyboricua418

 

wow... so the sub we have for bba is for lack of better words...  an idiotic asshole who looks like a crackhead... He made Liz move to the other side of the room because I was turned to talk to her while our computers were starting up.. retarded.. *sigh.. another day wasted in this class.. One day I will muster up the motivation to actually accomplish things in this class but for some reason, this class makes me feel like I shouldnt even bother trying to "live up to my potential" as some teachers put it.  oh well..so it goes.

LIfe isn't bad.. Im stressed like crazy because I'm so busy but such is my life and I have accepted it that way. Even though I dont always act accordingly.  I have high hopes for Bye bye birdie.. I still think we could use an extra practice, but If people take this seriously, and have fun doing so then i think this show will be a success.  Im getting really excited for it actually and im glad for that. 

okay.. time to get off.. running out of time.. okay, thats a lie i just dont know what else to write!

yay for time not wasted, but put to a more satisfying use. :-)

Today was interesting.. Im really out of it and the first half of the day was really productive.. but after lunch.. blah!!  So i NEED a car.. ugh.. its getting really frustrating... *sigh.. oh well maybe mine will get fixed soon... I got to hang with my dad yesterday.. it was really nice seeing him but im a little bummed cause like my dad and I ALWAYS go play basketball once the weather starts warmin up.. but he's been having bad knee problems:-( .. i hope he starts feelin better soon..

YAY about prospects of double dating with liz and robbie!! lol i think thatd be fun!

wooo art tonight!!
k bye!

Ugh, I keep catching myself in these stupid moods... I wish i could avoid it. I get grumpy, and quiet, and little things start to bother me and ughh its so frustrating..  I need to just relax and realize how good things are really going, but i keep finding things that put me in these moods..im stupid... ghsaiutwqfhiwhui...  but argh no more complaing im sick of it... it makes me sad when i complain.. i dont like being a nuisance.. moving on... this week has been interesting.. I find myself being extremely un-productive.. and i thought it would be cool because this is like a week off but the half days!!! ahh... anyways.. slacking off in BBA is probably one of the most fun parts of my day.. lol and Liz.. since i know you're reading this because you're the LJ freak!! :-P , i just really wanna say thanks for listening to some of my bitching and complaining.. its really a breath of fresh air to be able to talk to you about anything and i really appreciate it.. you've become a valued friend to me.. just so you know.. so thank you :-)

As always, theres more I want to say... but my head hurts so im at a loss..

on a side note.. I want to start writing.. like creative writing or something dorky and artistic, to add to my already super dork artsy side.. hmm

Okay, well Its been about a month since ive posted.. I apologize, I really want to start actually posting regularly.  I keep opening my email and seeing little LJ notifications about random stuff and then  I mean to post something but never get around to it.... ugggggh... lol anyways.. i feel like just talking about all of these things I haven't posted about in my LJ absence.  So, the trip to chicago last break was alot of fun.. Well, it ended up being fun.. Not gonna lie, friday and saturday sucked.  The show my mom made lanie and i perform at was super stressful.. Way more than it was worth. I felt so bad for Lanie, cause my Mom can really be a disrespectful bitch sometimes.  Sorry if that's awful to say but its true. I still love her though.. The only upside to the shows were that I got paid!! Which made sunday worth it.  Lanie and I took a bus to the city and walked around, went to the aquarium, saw some family of hers in one of her little cousin's ( i think) cheerleading competitions.. aww lol then we just walked, and had dinner at Gino's.. which I loved every moment of that day.. lol but Im actually sure all of you have heard that story before. 

    ah, so i planned on trying to write everything down in some kind of sequential order, but as usual, i really dont feel like it anymore.. soo ill just write, and see what happens :-p

So im doing okay in school.. I could be doing better, as always, but for some reason I just dont perform up to my complete potential.  I don't know.  It's just hard to get suuper excited about things.. My Cali plans are pretty much postponed which has its ups and downs.. Its a bummer that i'll have to wait another year, but realistically its much more economical to get my basic classes out of the way here.  But this also means that I suddenly have less motivation to try hard.  Im still keeping my grades up though.. All A's and B's.. except AP English... Kreinbring STILL hasn't put in all my grades so it STLL says I have an E... UGHHHH lol...I actually have done ALL of the work... oh well..

    Hmm...so, the SBB show Furthermore.. I would definately call that night a success as far as the show goes..  The crowd really seemed to enjoy it.. G laughed his ass off lol, and it was a ton of fun..  annnyways.. im sure you know that the point of this paragraph really doesnt have alot to do with the show.. soo imagine my surprise when i walk down the hall and see Hannah talking with Jenni and Reva.. WOah!! Didnt expect that.. Honestly, the first thought through my head was, "Oh no, Lanie's gonna be so upset, because I knOw she was gonna ask me to Sadies some point during or after SBB".. I felt so bad.. you have no idea..  But things did end up working out.. *thanks Jenni.. and yes lanie, it was adorable! I know ull be reading this the moment it goes up..  
    So, I got to talk to hannah before the SBB show.. that was.. interesting.. It went well.. it really did.. She was being really cool and really nice, and i can honestly say I didn't expect that at all. But we talked.. she's doing well and im glad to hear that.. the real test i think will be when i talk to her next.. cause then we're probably going to talk about everything.. like everything everything.. and its a little scary.. just because i know how sensitive she can be at times.. but we have alot to talk about i suppose, seeing as how we havent since the break up.. She's gotta know about lanie already, but i feel like i need to talk to her about it anyways.. it should come from me.

    Moving on.. Sadies was awesome for me.  I feel like I can really just be myself especially with Lanie and all my friends now.  Like I'm not afraid to be me.. And i like that.  I had a really good time.. yea the dance could have been more fun but i really enjoyed myself overall. The people I was with, the person I was with. Im happy...  Mmmmmm PF Changs.. wow..  fantastic.. lol

    hmm dance.. So dance is going pretty well I suppose.. I need to train more.. I really do.. im not focusing enough on it and i know that but its just hard to find the time i guess.. we dont really have good classes for me to take at the studio except ballet.  Practice on sundays are going well but i really should be pushing myself harder to be better.  I remember when i used to get home and just collapse in bed because I was so tired.. I miss that.. But I'll get back into the groove of things.. I know i will..  Practicing for shows we had used to get me to feel like I was really working hard, but its just lost its fire.  I dont enjoy doing the shows.. My moms stressful.. She schedules rehearsals at awful times and doesnt tell me until the last minute.. And they dont challenge me to want to be better.  Maybe i should start classes at rochester school of dance.. ooor......Deborahs (dun dun DUNNNN)... ahhh lol

    I got new glasses today! YAY lol

i feel like theres more for me to say, but i cant really think of anything else at the moment.. i'll definately be posting again soon..

reality sometimes comes out of no where and kicks you in the ass.. I hate feeling like my dreams have become reality, and letting myself delve deeper into that state of mind.  That surrealism.  Because when reality finally kicks in.. its heartbreaking..

ill explain later.

Soo.. I feel like i should start posting more on here.. I would use my trip to Puerto Rico as my excuse but i know i probably wouldnt have even if i was home.  But i'll make an effort to change that..  Break was good.  Just up and down. My first week of break was absolutely awesome.  Christmas shopping for my mom and everyone really got me in the christmas spirit.  That sounds kinda lame but whtev.. I wanted to go all out for my mom this year so i did.. Yaaaay Wicked!! lol She loved the tickets and the show.  There were complications with it but i dont feel like ranting about it.  Soo i was surprised with a trip to Puerto Rico for christmas.. Sounds awesome but i really wasn't excited for it.  I know that seems stupid and i hope you dont think im selfish or anything for not wanting to go but it was just really bad timing.  I had SOO much work to do over break that the trip just stressed me out. *sigh.. but i got to hang out with Lanie all of the last day of break and that was great.  Im happy =)   Cant say i can really complain about too much besides the usual.. lol Im always stressed out because of the amount of stuff I do but such is my life.. I cant change that and i dont know if id want to.. But breaks from reality where i just do nothing have been saving my life lol... The next few weeks are going to be absolutely ridiculous.  Finals are going to straight up kick my ass.. Especially Art and English.. I'll figure it out...   

I decided that i just want to make some random statements because im too tired to try and organize my thoughts.

I want to start hanging out with my friends more.. like make time in my schedule to actually be a teenager lol.  
I'm scared about the future.
My mom stresses me like no other but i cant help but love her.
My room looks like six tornadoes hit it.
Lanie makes me really happy.. like happier than I've been in a long time. I love it even though its really scary at times.
Dancing is my way to let out everything.. and i haven't had the actual time to just dance out in a while.. Maybe thats why i feel so stressed..
I need to try and stop letting little things bother me, because they do..
Writing this is actually really relaxing me right now.
I'm glad i have friends who i know are there for me if i need it.
I've considered calling hannah for the sheer purpose of seeing how she is.  But i feel like it would make her upset.
I'm procrastinating on my homework but i think my head would be too whirled up to concentrate unless i wrote all this.
i feel better..

So, today has been an odd one.  I woke up with the intention of cleaning my room and then working on my AP english essay..But i have just been in the LaZiest mood today.  I woke up and stayed in bed for like 3 hours.. then finally got up and spent Hours and hours cleaning when it should have only taken me 30 or 40 minutes. My motivation for today is lost completely.. and now im trying to work on my english essay.. but just cant get the ball rolling.. like i keep distracting myself.  its awful.. And my head is just being pounded full of all these things.. school, theater, dance, life, relationships, college, worries, frustrations etc.  Its feels as though my brain is being grabbed and shaken like a kid shaking his christmas present trying to get a clue at whats inside.  everythings jumbled and just BlaH.. *sigh.. okay well now that i got that all out.. back to Milton.. ugh